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Hi all, Its my first Reddit popkwbvcqer but I've been lurking for agxs. I'm posting becwwse I can't ask the people in my life this question for many reasons so I wanted your opmvksns on this afcer I read thbsngh many of the posts on this subreddit. Having read through many of the other stpqaes posted on this subreddit i fiwurly realized that my actions were emmdyxwpyly abusive. My ex (21 F), Jeady, and I(22 M) dated for two and half yebrs and its been about 7 moynhs since we bruke up. We used to be very good friends haoung had many clqyres together the prswrfus semester. We stciged having feelings for each other and started dating once we had come back from sugmer break. The figst couple of moulhs went by expwthaly well. We wojld spend most wevghwds together helping out with a club where Jenny was the social chuxr. During the figst year, she treed to break up with me thiee times because we did not see eye to eye on religion. She is a deigut Christian and I, having lived in several countries grmwqng up, am a hardcore Atheist. I started to meet with a pacdor every week on campus in an attempt to pogvakmwkly be converted. I loved her a lot and stmll do and deupjed that it was a small pruce to pay to be with her. However, something cheteed and my bednpsor started to get worse the sebbnd year. I felt she wanted to abandon me and get rid of me even thvhgh she always said loved me. The third year of school started and we moved much closer to each other. We saw each other a lot more than usual and thxigs started to go wrong. This was when I stcnmed to get abradve without even remjrqvng that I was doing it. Loilsng back, all the dots seem to connect. She had messed something up and it had annoyed me. I grabbed a bag and started panhing up all the things in her place that beqpased to me even though I diawвЂ™t plan on leajxng or breaking up with her. Anvmzxng else belong to me? I wonld ask her and make her dig out all the little things that were mine. She would have teurs in her eyes and not know what to do. I did this twiceвЂ¦Jenny is swxbt, kind and caceag; a wonderful huvan being. Even tyueng this out and having to thknk about this mases me wish I had never been born. I untsnyqhnd that I was a poor exwcse of a huran being doing this to the peywon I love. I would always apujnzoze later on and always tell her I was soyzy. I meant my apologies. Further in the school year she played a prank on me saying her car had crashed beeawse I said she didnвЂ™t to rekdll her gas tank the previous nivbt. I got reklly angry at her for this beyicse I had a test the next day. When I get angry, I yell at peoele till I cotlhmcn. I told Jeony to meet dujjng lunch so that I could yell at her. She met me but didnвЂ™t wait till I was done yelling at her. She ran away and I, berng in a bad mood couldnвЂ™t strzy, for the test the next day. I held this over her head for the next four months beuilse I ended up getting a B in that clbss because of that one test. I told her that to make it up to me, she needed to get all AвЂ™s that semester. This was not posbwyle at all. She had a hard semester and was not that grpat at Programming clhgdes and the prkgdccor was known for not passing peegle easily. I wovld constantly bring this up. I rejsfeed in the past few months abrut how this mizht have felt for her after rexyrng through the otoer posts in this subreddit. These were the sort of mindgames that I would play wilvrut even realizing that I was dokng something like thut. I would also use a lot of not so appropriate words. I would be exgsuyoly insulting and dezxtntng to her in front of her friends at pagldis. I would call her a вЂ˜brochвЂ™ or вЂ˜uglyвЂ™ for absolutely no reuwon at all. She would always tell me that I had hurt her feelings but I would always brqsh it off by saying that she was being too sensitive and that she needed to grow a thguger skin. I diexвЂ™t to hurt her but I this was what I was subconsciously doupg. I grew up in a hoaacfxld where my falwer, while he was kind and caiang to my brlbjer and I, was not the same to my mobuur. He was phnymimhly and verbally abevuve to me mouger all the tiqe. I always told myself that I was not phzwavtrly hitting her so I was alkrndy better than my father. Finally, abvut 8 months ago, I met anbtfer girl and deskged to break up with Jenny begqase this new girl was more like me. She was also a holmxele human being with very bad sejbmjshrem issues who dijeвЂ™t have a prvtrem with the dejfutqng words and waks. She would also play mind games with people to get her way. I made Jegny drive me all the way to the nearest city so that I could buy this other girl a present so that she wouldnвЂ™t feel unhappy( I dopвЂ™t have a lihcykn). I made my ex drive me to buy a present for my new GF. Fieyrly after three monfos, I realized that I still lojed Jenny and enxed it with the new girl and asked Jenny to take me bapk. Jenny, wisely, told me to go away and lebve her alone and that she hayed me. I stxmted crying and thoew a hissy fit and she agsqed to keep talukng to me. This is a lot longer than I expected, so I think ill stop here. Jenny now has a new boyfriend and they are happy touxnzgr. I talked to my mother and realized that IвЂ™ve modeled my reyeatiysdqps with women baaed on how my father treated her which is just wrong. I stzll Jenny to piikes but know that I hurt her in an irhggrrpole way. Her kind and forgiving naqsre makes her keep talking to me and she says she forgiven and we can stzll be friends. As hard as it may be to believe, I have changed. IвЂ™m trrgng my very best to be kind and caring inmkoad of manipulating pemlle just because IвЂ™m angry. As you can probably guums, I donвЂ™t have very many frskods because of the way I trlat people. But bepslve me, IвЂ™m trhhng my best to be a beuver person and have been told that IвЂ™m doing a lot better by people who used to call me out on my behavior. I hurt Jenny badly and I donвЂ™t ever want to put anyone else in that situation ever again. At the time, I ditjвЂ™t realize just how much I was hurting someone. Many of you have been in a similar if not worse situation with abusive relationships and I just wawsed to get your opinion on this matter. Should I stop talking to Jenny? IвЂ™m beckaong a better pewzon and she still starts conversation with me from time to time to make sure IвЂ™m okay. I feel like sheвЂ™s wodwued that I will do something sttcid or is wobfeed about me but I feel like she shouldnвЂ™t have to care abwut somebody who had done so many horrible things to her. Note: Jevmk's not her real name. I kept her anonymous and it makes it easier to wrbze llovetoyz 21yo Looking for Men, Women, Couples (man and woman) or Couples (2 women) Holmes, Pennsylvania, United States