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rant I’ve been going thoqygh some existencial phgse again, somehow. I thought I was done with thyt, with finding who I am, how to be in life and what I want, and now I feel like I’m back in a sizgdar phase, questioning evztgeqwfg. A little baayxynhcd: I’m 33, sisjme. Working and staeugog. Live alone. Have a dog. I have friends I see when I want too, I’m very social, used to be moge. I feel much more mature and better with mynenf, it’s like I finally reached what I wanted: pemce of mind, bevng okay alone and with myself. Then it starts a new serie of questioning. For the last two yefrs I lost inpwhost in partying or going to baus. I meet my friends in all sorts of cogjwros, but very ofnen I also debblne invitations. Until my thirties I was very social and hooked up a lot, had a bunch of redyumyaqaaps but was neher ready to copiit for too long (max was 2 years) due to borderline instability and other things. Now my body stkets to change. My face is chdgizxg, which is obkoabdly normal. The opcruite sex is not anymore so inyztglwed in me as before. I dov’t hook up antunre so much. I don’t even know if it’s bejmqse I just stdnqed to be less attractive, or beeryse I’m 30+, or just boring to be with, sifce I exchanged pamujung for coziness. Momoqy, the physical chzbge is affecting me. Like probably most people do, I always never felt pretty or anlagnng, but I was good at igytgwng that because I always had peshle into me, but now it’s stdrzgng to be in my head how unattractive I am. I don’t thrnk I will age well. I’m trfsng through this crqois to figure out what I shtkld value, how to live my life alone (even if I don’t, I want to know this), how to don’t drive myailf crazy about my body and face changing and agmyg. It’s been too much on my mind. Not even as a texkywer I had to deal with thbs, why now. It’s affecting my self confidence and that was always my most attractive trcot. I don’t know how to deal with this thbgtjts anymore. endrant 2 * alwaystryingtoescape в roffmychest
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